School and Divorce

During and after divorce, being in contact with and involved in your kids school is even more important.

Why?

1. A change in school performance can indicate that your child is having problems dealing with their emotions

2. To keep connected to this important part of your child’s life

3. To allow you to positively influence your child

Divorce can be very unsettling and they may not talk about it but it can be expressed in non verbal ways such as worse performance in school or mood changes. Keep in contact with your kids teacher and let them know what’s going on so they can watch for signs. Non-custodial parents in particular may find it difficult to go by the school seeing people connected to their old married life. Do not give in to those feelings of wanting to minimize your time around the school. Your child needs you and it is worth it.

The Challenge

In my experience, schools are not divorce friendly. They do not make much effort to involve or welcome the non-custodial parent. Getting school notices seems to be a recurrent problem. Often they will not have counted on 2 notices going to one child and you can’t rely on your child to remember every notice and keep you informed.

How can you deal with this?

• An envelope in the child’s school bag where notices are kept can help. If the child is going to both homes regularly then both parents get to see the notices or can make copies. Agree to a regular time to clear out notices from the envelope.

• Keeping the envelope in the school office so the secretary will put a copy of the notices in there for you can work as well. It requires a cooperative secretary and you need to drop by the school regularly to pick up the notices. This has the positive benefit of being seen around the school, making regular contact and allowing you to see a teacher while you are picking up the notices. Of course schools close before work hours are over and so you would need a flexible work situation to do this.

• Having the school mail the notices to your address can sometimes work also but you may need to go to the principal to explain the situation before you can get agreement to this.

• More recently some schools are scanning the notices and putting them on the school website. This is the best solution for those with computers. You can check the notices anytime without any hassle. Don’t use this as an excuse though not to make contact with the school.