According to a book by Judge Michele Lowrance, The Good Karma Divorce, the average price of a divorce for a middle class family is about $30,000. In the book, Judge Lowrance talks about karma and the way that allowing anger and bitterness into divorce proceedings can quickly turn what should be a simple divorce into a very expensive litigation case. The end result of the litigation is good for neither party. One of the most interesting points she raises is that based on her observations, the person who is willing to forgive, negotiate, and make sacrifices is more likely to get what they really want.
She also mentions in her book the importance of standing your ground, but emphasizes the benefits of doing so in a very diplomatic way. It is better to be honest and straightforward in a nice way, rather than being bitter and resentful.
You can use this simple, but powerful, tool as a male or a female going through a divorce. Being nice can be a big challenge, especially if the reason for the divorce is unsavory, but if you truly make an effort, and believe me, you will have to make an effort, the possibility of a settlement is much more likely.
If you can be nice during the meetings and you can avoid going to court, you have a better chance of getting what you want. Once the case is turned over to the courts, a third party will end up making all the decisions for you.
The principle of being nice during a divorce is the same as salesmanship. If you work on a car lot, no matter how bad you slept or how bad your day is going, when a customer walks in, your smile and cheery disposition turns on. You cannot sell your cars (terms of divorce) without a positive attitude.
What Being Nice Will Take
If you have decided to get a divorce and you have decided to take the “nice road,” it will be very difficult, but the act of being nice in your divorce proceedings essentially comes down to a set of precise actions and behaviors.
1) Avoid arguments whenever possible.
2) Try to avoid doing things that irritate or annoy your spouse.
3) Listen to what your spouse and their lawyers have to say.
4) Try to be amicable and make compromises.
5) Try as hard as possible to maintain a positive outlook and remember why you are being nice.
Add a little sweetness and you can make a big difference in your divorce proceedings.