Surviving Emotionally While Divorcing A Narcissist

Surviving Emotionally While Divorcing A Narcissist

JRM052 Parents arguing in front of child

Narcissistic behavior is one of the character traps Dr. Mark Banschick explains in his article on Malignant Divorce. According to Dr. Banschick, “the narcissist is completely self-serving and selfish.” So, how do you get through a divorce unscathed if your spouse is narcissistic?

First let’s consider some of the characteristics of the narcissist:

      1. Has a need for admiration,

      2. A need to be right,

      3.A need to be seen as the good guy,

      4. A need to criticize when you don’t meet their need,

      5. Is charismatic and successful,

      6. Lacks the ability to feel remorse,

      7. Has no conscience,

      8. Has a tremendous need to control you and the situation,

      9. Has values that are situational;if you believe infidelity is wrong, so do they,

      10.Uses a facade of caring and understanding to manipulate,

      11. Is emotionally unavailable,

      12. Nothing is ever their fault,

      13. Hangs onto resentment,

      14. Has a grandiose sense of self,

      15. Feels misunderstood,

      16. Is not interested in solving marital problems, it is their way or the highway

      17. Is envious of other’s success,

When divorcing a narcissist, Dr. Bansckick says, “he completely dismisses any of your needs, or all the years of devotion and mutual companionship that you had built together. Normal people remember the good from the past. It informs a sense of balance and fairness during a divorce (even through a betrayal). You may be getting a divorce, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have valuable memories and a life story together. For the narcissist, it is all gone; like it never happened. You will have to understand this if you are to deal effectively with him. The narcissist can undermine you with your friends, with your children and steal your money, all while looking sincere and generating good will among the community.”

How To Protect Yourself When Divorcing The Narcissist:

A narcissist finds it hard to accept that his/her influence in your life is over. Whether they file for the divorce or you, the narcissist will attempt to remain in control of his influence over your life. If you have children with this person they will work over-time at attempting to control how child support is spent, how child visitation is handled and every other aspect of the co-parenting relationship.

How much emotional abuse, financial and sometimes domestic abuse the narcissist is able to inflict depends on how you respond to him/her. If you show the narcissist any sympathy, fear, weakness or confusion the narcissist will feed off of it and continue his/her cycle of abusive behavior.

Four Tactics For Dealing With The Narcissist:

 

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