The Man’s No-Nonsense Divorce Primer

Nobility Leads to Poverty

Divorce is the quickest path to financial ruin, bar none. These days, the probability is significantly high that a married man eventually will be single again, returning to the scrimping lifestyle of his younger days. This unfortunate situation exists because of stark modern realities:

• America has a 50% divorce rate, for first marriages
• Women initiate 70% of divorces, mainly to win child custody
• Women are as unfaithful as men
• Most family courts are biased towards females.

The marriage deck is stacked against the man if he earns more money than his wife—even in a two-career marriage. Alas, he enters matrimony and fatherhood from a position of weakness. Given the realities I cited above, he is statistically doomed, at the altar, to lose his marriage, his wealth, and control of his children. It behooves him, therefore, to anticipate divorce early and navigate it carefully. Better yet, he must try to avoid it altogether.

Generally speaking, men are raised to be chivalrous and noble, while, in my opinion, women are raised to be well-coiffed takers. Wonderful. Well, remember these two phrases, if you remember nothing else: 1) chivalry is benevolent sexism; 2) nobility leads to poverty.

Still, even in 2006, when women fly combat missions in Iraq, fly the space shuttle, and head major universities and corporations, it is common in affluent communities for the husband to want to be the “sole provider.” He toils all day at the office so his wife can play tennis, shop, visit her aestheticians, decorate the house, and lunch with her friends. Caution: Women with means and excessive freedom during the day are perfect infidelity partners. After all, idleness and narcissism, notwithstanding a plethora of charity activities, can lead to boredom and lasciviousness.

To the über-male husband, playing provider is a source of masculine pride, akin to wearing a badge of honor at work and the country club. Believe me: in divorce court, he will be the provider. He will rue the day he equated his manhood with his money. Divorce is a zero-sum game: lawyers and wives win.

Four Stages of Divorce

The four stages of divorce: pre-divorce, divorce, post-divorce, and dating:

1. Dating? Why is dating in this list, and why is it last in the list? It’s last to get your attention. It’s in the list because, during dating, you can tell what kind of divorce adversary your woman is likely to be. Usually, you are blind to or ignore critical information during the dating stage—such as when your woman refuses to buy you dinner or pay her own way on a vacation. And, because of this lapse, you will sit one day in family court, head in hands, heart in stomach as you hear the judge enumerate everything you will lose.
2. When all marital intimacy and communication irrevocably deteriorate, you are in pre-divorce. Rather than passively await your wife to divorce you, meet with loyal accounting and legal professionals to prepare for the worst. Sun-Tzu would approve this strategy.
3. During the divorce, minimize the war rhetoric. It’s going to be a long, tough, sad, expensive slog. Excessive emotions only enrich the lawyers and hurt the children. This is easy to say and difficult to execute, but it’s accurate. Cease viewing your ex-wife-to-be as your wife. She is now your adversary. She is looking out for herself, not for you. Nobility leads to poverty. Remember?
4. In post-divorce, take inventory and venture out slowly with new romances—the last thing you want or need is a repeat of the past. Solidify your relationship with your children—divorce’s biggest losers; counter your ex-wife’s anti-father poisoning tactics. Work diligently to understand yourself and choice of first wife—as well as the real reason your marriage failed. Remember: The divorce rate for second marriages is about 65% because people are:

• Likely to repeat first-marriage mistakes
• Challenged with money, unhappy children, and bitter ex-spouses
• Impatient with new, complex family situations.

No-Nonsense Bottom Line

By accepting only a woman who is your peer, you will minimize games, the likelihood of a future broken home, and financial ruin. Women who demand chivalry and nobility are just aching to kick your assets and take your kids. If you prefer “entitled” women, prepare for your next divorce. Happy hunting.